the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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