Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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