I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
