Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
