we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
