He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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