Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
