I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
