Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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