I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
