I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
