I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
