dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
