Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
