If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
