I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
