"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
