just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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