ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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