Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
