I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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