he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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