I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
