He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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