it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
