hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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