i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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