I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
