I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
