i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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