hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your penis caused this!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
