No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
