I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I pour the whiskey from now on
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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