Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
