You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
