I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
