she told me i tasted like america
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
