I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
