they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
