Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
