don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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