uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
