I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
