The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
