And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hate your face
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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