My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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