So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
