Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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