The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
