I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you didnt know i had herpes?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
