I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
