I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
