We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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