yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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