I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
