i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
