You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
