All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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