I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
