Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
