I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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