for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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