I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
