The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
