I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
