I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
