There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
