That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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