Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Soap is not a condiment
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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