you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
