Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
