How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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