We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
