Christians are straight up FREAKS
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Damn victory sex feels great
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
