For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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