This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
